Dreamworks  Episode n2: Hoomule
by DaveM89ficzone
Summary: When Shrek kicks Donkey off their house, Dave has to put him up for one night. But whenever Donkey's around, troubles come along...


**Hi guys, sorry again but I couldn't find a suitable category so I have to upload all ****my ****Dreamworks fics in the 'Shrek' one.**

**Here's my second ****DREAMWORKS serie **** episode featuring all your favorite DWK characters living together in this big studio/park and leaded by the fun-loving human teenager Dave -the keeper- who's always busy finding a way to keep his buddies off trouble. The main characters are Dave, Tai Lung, Shrek and Donkey, the Penguins of Madagascar, King Julien and special guest Otis the cow from Barnyard. Have fun with the second episode: 'Hoomule'!**

HOOMULE

"No, Shrek! Think again, I can change! These things may happen and..."  
"Bathing my children with bleach? No, Donkey, these things can't happen. And now, for the last time, leave!"  
"Aaaaargh!"  
Donkey landed in a thick and slimy puddle.  
"You will regret it, Shrek! You can't do it without me!"  
"Oh, you're right, I can not... resort to suicide! "  
"Aaargh, you are the most stupid and ungrateful ogre I've ever known!"  
"That's wrong Donkey, I'm the only ogre you've ever known. Farewell!"  
After saying that, Shrek slammed the door so hard it almost crumbled.

"Oof," Dave sighed, wiping away the sweat. "I didn't think tofu could be so hard to make."  
"Well, you know ... you press it, you let it dry... then press again, dry again... You'll get used to it. See you tomorrow to make some stinky tofu!"  
Dave held a retch. _And what have we done so far? _  
"Goodbye Mr. Ping!"

"Oh dear, after a morning like this I need to spend at least two or three centuries resting on my hammock" he commented as he met Tai-Lung walking on the street.  
"Since when do you talk to yourself?"  
"Oh, hi there Lungo...what are you doing here?"  
"Well, you know, I live here. What about you? You smell very familiar today ..."  
Tai Lung moved his big head toward Dave, sniffing with his nose. "Hmmm ...that's Tofu!" he exclaimed, then pulling out his tongue, he licked Dave's face, who said," Aargh! What the hell..."  
"I remember I ate lots of Tofu with Shifu when I was young."  
"Bleah! You, my friend, are the most disgusting would-be Dragon Warrior I've ever seen!"  
"Be careful how you talk, you kiddo, or I'd rather be eating you in one bite! You still smell nice."  
"No, no, thanks. I think a shower will be enough to solve the problem. Are you walking me home?"  
"Can do!" said Tai Lung beating his big and fuzzy hand on Dave's shoulders, making him totter. Tai Lung and him were great friends, although they were too different from each other to admit it. The first one was a simple and lean 5 feet human, the other one was a huge 9 feet and 990 pounds snow leopard with a soul that was still dark as the night. Tai Lung was trying to grow away from the other villains, as he had realized the mistakes he made in the past and tried to find a way to make up for it, although there was a 'strange destructive force inside of him' as he loved to describe it, which used to burn up every now and then and made him lose control of himself. This was one of the many reasons why Dave would never leave him alone.  
"By the way," said Tai Lung "This morning I ran into Donkey, he asked about you."  
"Donkey? What did he say?"  
"I don't know, he was rushing away. Better if you go looking for him. "  
"Now I really need a shower, I'll go check him out later."  
"There we are," Tai Lung announced "See you this afternoon for the daily Tai-chi lesson."  
"Oh, yes ... By the way, I also invited Po today, hope you don't mind..."  
"What! You, nasty little..." Tai Lung's fur began to swell and the irises became microscopic.  
"Easy, easy, it was a joke! Relax, you big cat."  
Tai Lung took a long, deep breath. "So...OOFF...Well you should have paid for that very hard, you know that, don't you? "  
"Course I do" said Dave, swallowing and nodding.

"Ah! Home, sweets-smelling home," Dave breathed a sigh of relief once in his small, comfortable keeper's two-room flat. "And now, hold on shower, I'm coming!"

He had just worn the bathrobe when he heard a strange noise coming from inside the shower. He armed himself with a brush and pumice. He thought he glimpsed a weird shape through the bathtub curtains. Then with a rap, he grabbed the curtain and pulled it away, finding with horror Donkey, lathering up with a shower cap.  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeek!"  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeek!"  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"  
"But what ... Donkey! What are you doing here?"  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeek!"  
"Donkey!"  
"Please, you make me stay; I'm just a poor forlorn donkey without a roof or a family! I'm beggin' you bro, don't fight me off!"  
"Okay, okay, take a deep breath. What happened exactly?"  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeek!"  
"What is' now?"  
"Shampoo in the eyes!"

"And that's all. I do not know what was up with Shrek today!"  
"Well, you've got to admit you really messed things up this time..."  
"Why? Once in the farm they washed me and my mom with boiling water and vegetables, then they put an apple in her mouth and..."  
"Donkey, focus! Okay, I will put you up. And today, after lunch, I'll go talking to Shrek-"  
"Ah THANK YOU!" Donkey yelled, jumping on the couch. "If you knew how much I miss my children, Fiona, and Shrek! By the way ...today you smell just like him!"  
Dave didn't have time to reply he got another lick in the face, the second one.  
"Argh!"

That day, Dave decided to stay and eat in DWK. He didn't feel like getting too far from his room; Donkey had definitely seized it, not to say something worse. Then, he went to the canteen, where Po was waiting for him.

"Hey, Dave, I suppose you have an appetite." said Po with a shifty smile.  
"Hello, Dragon Warrior. What's on the menu today?"  
"I told you, call me Po. On the menu, eh? Well, there are some steamed dumplings, but then I got hungry and... "  
"... You've gobbled them up? I understand. Pass me some Chinese tea then."  
"Well you know I got thirsty ..."  
"And you've guzzled the lot? Oh, Po, you're incorrigible!"  
"Otherwise I wouldn't be_ the_ Dragon Warrior!"  
"Yeah, there's somebody I know who would pinch you the place with pleasure. Never mind then, that will mean I'm going to have some nachos for lunch."  
"Oh, no, no need to worry, fortunately dad has got the problem and brought here some of _this_" Po grabbed a giant cauldron. "Look at this, what have we here? Some yummy and delicious Tofu!"

The birds were chirping cheerfully in the branches, until they flew away, terrorized by Dave's chilling scream. Dave rushed away from the table, followed by a green cloud.  
"I just do not understand why he ran away like that. Maybe this Tofu isn't spicy enough."

"WHAT A HORROR" Dave yelled, diving into the water of the fountain, which evaporated.

"I just hope Donkey didn't mess my house up. All I want now is my couch and some ice tea. Look there, there's smoke from the window ... SMOKE FROM THE WINDOW?"  
Dave rushed into the house and was immediately overwhelmed by a smoke cloud. He hardly held his breath and groped for the windows, and then he opened them all.  
"I just don't know what happened," Donkey tried to justify himself, when the smoke had thinned out. "I was there, cookin' some waffles, then it all blew..."  
"Let me guess: the house was filled with smoke?"  
"Exactly. How do you know! That's ridiculous. Next time, only flambéed steaks, it's safer!"  
"Aaargh!" Dave burst out, furious. "Donkey! You are a natural disaster, a wandering earthquake, a ..."  
Donkey sniffled. "No one insults me better than Shrek..."  
"Yeah, I can tell. Now do you mind staying here peace and quiet watching some TV, okay? I need to have rest."  
"But you can't, you've got to go talk to Shrek right now! You promised me! Please, ple..."  
"All right! Okay. I'm going to talk to him. But there are rules in here and those rules are: do not touch anything, do not cook anything and do not touch the brandy on the shelf, is not for you! Just watching TV is allowed. Do I make myself clear?"  
Donkey snapped to attention. "Yes, sir! Not gonna disappoint you sir!"  
"Very good. See you later."  
_I just hope that Shrek is in a good mood_, Dave thought as he closed the door.

"Absolutely not. I know Donkey and I are friends but he really knows how to push my buttons!"  
"Pff, Shrek, you should not have entrusted your children to him, you know Donkey!"  
"Dave, he soaked them in the bleach! I don't wanna know about it. And now, if you don't have anything else to say, you can take your leave now!"  
Dave walked back to the door upset, and then he stopped.  
"You know, Shrek, sometimes you should look at what's beyond all those layers. And, you know, Fiona wouldn't approve that."  
Shrek rolled his eyes and snorted. He hesitated a moment, then returned to his business.

"Let's think of ourselves as a form of primordial life," said Shifu introducing the lesson of Tai Chi of the day "That needs to grow healthy with sunshine and quiet. Inhale, exhale, Inhale ..."  
Dave moved restlessly. "... Pff ... cough, cough! Aehm" Dave cleared his throat, dripping with sweat. "Sorry. Proceed."  
"Is there something wrong, kiddo?" Tai Lung asked softly, moving his head toward him.  
"Bh-ugh-s-yes, oh no ... N-never felt better ..."  
"Well, what are you muttering for, over there? There's no time to speak" Shifu blasted.  
"We're gonna talk about this later on. And you better tell me what's going on" Tai Lung responded, resuming the previous position.  
Dave was surprised how insightful his friend was. Or perhaps it was him who wasn't good at hiding his fears? _Nevermind_, he told to himself, _now you are here Dave, take advantage of Tai Chi and try to relax_.

"Much better," said Dave one hour later, coming out from the sliding door.  
"Good, because if I remember correctly you had something to tell me," said Tai Lung, coming in. "What in the heck were you trembling like that for?" He laughed with his mouth closed. "I scared you off, didn't I?"  
Tai Lung jokingly threw a fake punch on Dave's shoulder, who sighed. "Nonsense, its Donkey! You see, because Shrek has turned him away and now I have to put up with him, and I don't know how long! Donkey is a right guy, for goodness sake, but he'll mess my life up! Rat-a-tat-tat..." Dave began to chatter.  
"Try to calm down, and remember what you did until now. Inhale..."  
"Right, right. Exale ...Inhale...Ooof. I'm fine, thanks Lungo."  
"Now you go home and face that mule up. If you impose yourself, people will respect you."

"Right. I can do this!"  
"Begin with something like ... «_Listen you, jackass, now you're sharing my cot, so this is my half,_ "after saying that, Tai Lung took a stone and drew a line on the paving, which almost broke "_and this is yours!_ Obviously your part will be much bigger." He threw away the stone, which landed straight on one of the three blind mice. "And it's not over. An oatcake a day for lunch, a chain around his neck and for his personal needs a sheet of paper."  
"Tsk. At this rate he'll grow mad much faster than you."  
"You get your point across," he insisted Tai Lung lifting him by the head and pointing a fuzzy finger on his nose." Always and everywhere, or people will use you." After saying that, he put him down and walked away. "See you later, kiddo."

This time, there was no smoke or gas coming out of the windows. Maybe there was nothing to worry about. In any case, he decided to listen to Tai Lung and set the tone. Dave took a deep breath, grabbed the handle and opened the door.

"Listen, you jack -" SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASHHHH

A wave of water washed Dave over, sweeping him away. The wave spread throughout the whole square.

"Well, Private. You can rest. Kowalski! Details."  
"The recruit has crossed the minefield, totaling only three blasts out of eight."  
In fact, Private was covered with ash.  
"Very admirable, Private. You're a very shrewd young penguin." said Skipper tapping his head.  
"Thanks Skipper" said Private, coughing ash.  
"Good work, boys! Back to our base."  
"I fear it is technically impossible, Skipper," Kowalski asserted, calculating with his abacus.  
"What do you mean?"  
Kowalski simply pointed behind Skipper, who turned. A 10 feet wave was approaching towards them at a frightening speed.  
Skipper's eyes widened. "Rico? Umbrella!"  
Rico spat cocktail mini-umbrella and opened it up.  
The water swept them away. Fortunately, a hedge nearby held them back. Dave stood up, coughing water, his legs still trembling.  
"Alpha people! What was that catastrophe?" asked Skipper.  
"I like to call it Donkey."  
"Hmmm," said Skipper, thoughtfully. "Tell me everything."

"... And that's all."  
"Seems like an interesting case," said Skipper.  
"Boys, you have to give me a hand, I've tried everything! What can I do?"  
"Kaboom?" proposed Rico.  
"What? Not at all. Besides Donkey is our buddy. We cannot blow it up."  
"Affirmative. An explosion would not solve our problem," said Skipper, walking in circles with the fins on the back. "What we need is an alternative plan."  
"Maybe if you simply explain the situation gently, he will understand!"  
"Interesting theory, Private. Good, guys. Commence operation 'Good manners'." then he turned to Dave with a shifty look. "Follow us."

Skipper, Kowalski, Private, Rico and Dave leaned out the corner. Donkey was trying to get rid of the water by throwing it with a large bucket, but it was no use.  
"See? He's just trying to help, after all" said Private.  
"Don't move," Skipper intervened. "We'll handle this. Now, Private, go, go, go!"  
Privates moved towards the door with his penguin gait. "Hello, Donkey."  
"Hello, li'l fella! How are you?"  
"Like a penguin. How about you?"  
"Oh, it's all under control! When Dave will be back, he'll be pleased! You know, I filled the house with water to turn it into a swimming pool, but someone opened the door and..."  
"Argh!" Despite Skipper tried to put him off, Dave could not help but rushing into the house. "Look what you did! I'll have to spread everything out for days! Oh, what a shame! What have I done to deserve this?"  
"Quiet Dave, just a couple of nights spent outside...I guess Shrek and I could put you up..."  
"Oh, well, at least the hobby room is still safe..." said Dave as he noticed the door was closed.  
"Oh, wait, better not ..."  
When Dave opened the door, he stood there with his mouth wide open: The Bad Wolf, Gingy, Pinocchio, the Three Little Pigs and Puss in Boots were having a great time: some of them was taking out springs from the couch, some other was vomiting chocolate on the floor, some other was throwing some mayonnaise on the wall.  
'W-Wh... "Dave got pale. "What's going on here?"  
Everyone fell silent.  
"I hope you do not mind," Donkey said, "I invited my friends to a pajama party, but don't worry, they're gonna stay only for a few weeks..."  
"Enough! No wonder Shrek can't stand you! Look around, this house is half-flooded and half-pigsty!"  
"But Dave, I just wanted..."  
"There's no _but_! It will take a miracle now to... ouch! "Dave felt something scorching hitting his leg. He turned and saw that the fireplace was lit. Another spark flew farther and landed on the carpet. It didn't take long before it burst into flames.  
"Aaaaah! Fire!" Dave cried out. "Fire!"  
"No worry, I found _das_!" said one of the three little pigs, shaking a bottle.  
No! Not the brandy, I said no! Put it back right now!" but it was too late. The pig had already thrown the bottle on the fire; the result was with a massive and fearful blaze.  
"Aaaargh!"  
"Rico!" said Skipper. Rico spit a fire extinguisher, which Skipper headed straight to the fire. The foam was able to extinguish only a part of the fire, because then the extinguisher ran out.  
"Ah, how many times have you been told not to swallow crap, Rico!"  
"If I can get away alive once again it means someone up there really loves me" said Dave, panic-stricken.

"Come on children, what are those sad faces? I know it's a beautiful day, but maybe later the weather will get worse, aren't you happy? Think: Rain, puddles, mud..."  
No matter how hard he tried, Shrek's children didn't want to know anything about it. They just stood there, all alone, forlorn and not happy at all, though they didn't use to be like that, and the same could be said for Donkey's children. There they were, lonely in a corner, one was sleeping, and another one was spending his time making smoke rings. Long story short sadness ruled in the whole courtyard.  
"What in the heck is wrong with you?"  
Actually, Shrek knew what: Donkey. And all the joy and good humor had gone with him. It was true, sometimes Donkey could be a real pain in the butt, but in that situation, and Shrek should have seen that coming. And now he found himself doing the same mistake he had made years ago.  
"Um ... Children, listen, I was thinking..."  
The children raised their eyes on him.  
"Well, after all, Donkey is part of our family and..."  
All six were hanging from his lips.  
"Well, yes, I was thinking I could take him back."  
Obviously, Shrek's words were greeted by cries of joy and laughter; the children finally came together and started to play together. Shrek didn't have time to waste: he went straight for the door, headed for Dave's house.  
"Hold on Donkey, you're coming back home... But what the...? Shrek was dumbfounded seeing smoke and flames bursting out from Dave's house.  
"Oh no, that can't be true! I must rescue Donkey and anyone in that house! I need backup!"

Shrek covered his nose and let the air out, trying to make a sound with his ears, but after thirty seconds of futile efforts, he got swollen and red in the face. "Aaargh!" He caught his breath. Surprised, he tried again. This time, the only sound that came out from his ears was a slight 'pfff'.  
"I just don't understand ... Oh, yes!" Shrek rubbed his hands, then put his fingers in his ears and pulled out two huge sticks of wax. "That's it."  
This time the trick worked, and from his ears came a loud 'HOOOOOOOOOONK'.  
It didn't take long before dozens of other ogres rushed by his side.  
"Friends, emergency at nine o'clock. Are you ready to help anyone in that house?"  
"YES, WE ARE" was the response.  
"Then be prepared, there are plenty of mints to eat!"

The ogres screamed in disgust.

"That's vile, I know."

With one hand Dave was holding the garden hose pointed towards the flames, and with the other hand he was trying to pick up anything he could save from the fire. No matter how the hose could do, it was not sufficient to put out the entire fire. Until, a legion of ogres suddenly burst into the house and huddled around hobby room.  
"Shrek," Donkey exploded. "I knew you would come back!"  
"I'm bringing you back home, you bigmouth jackass. All right fellas inhale all the air you are able to breathe ..."  
"Shrek, but what are you doing? There's no time for Tai Chi!"  
"Trust me. Inhale, and...FIRE!"  
All the ogres let out in unison a dreadful burp that echoed through the house. Dave closed his eyes and covered his ears. And the nose for his safety.

For those few seconds he didn't hear anything, his head began to spin, was probably because of the smoke... or maybe the heat... maybe... something else... but never mind...

He felt an awful stench. When he finally found the strength to open his eyes, he took a look around in amazement. Not only was the fire gone, also everything was clean and tidy, with some small burnings here and there, which could be definitely fixed up.  
"But ...how did you do that?"  
"Well, I didn't know that until I met them." Shrek nodded his head, turning to the other ogres, who belonged to the resistance, who cried out in triumph; whereas, the room was filled by a stinky smell.  
"What's that smell?"  
"Well, you know, it's a fusion between belch and peppermint. I always thought belching was only meant fan the fire, but... Well, ain't always so! Better out than in, like I always say!"  
Dave fainted, and not because of the smell, but the stress.  
"Aaaaaah! My buttocks are on fire! I'm burning!" cried out Pinocchio, just before diving into the toilet water. "Much better," he said as everyone burst out laughing.

That evening, Dave took Donkey back to Shrek's home.  
"Listen, I'm sorry for what happened today man, damn, I just wanted to help!"  
"Look, I'm not angry..."  
"I mean, it may happen to anybody, after all!"  
"Well, not really any..."  
"Like that time in the woods, I was looking for something to eat, and then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my b..."  
"Donkey, focus!" Dave blew his top.  
"Okay, okay, I thought you said you were not angry!"  
"Right. Then you're listening to what I'm saying!"  
"Yeah I do every now and then."

"Do you think Donkey is resenting me? I...this is just me, sometimes I just can't help acting like... an ogre."  
"Do not worry," Fiona heartened him as feeding one of the babies with a baby's bottle. "If I know him, he can't wait to see you again."  
Nevertheless, Shrek didn't feel better. What Donkey had done a few days before was not justifiable, but he realized he was really too harsh with his friend. He would never admit it, without Donkey by his side; he wouldn't have been able to get away even for another week. Then the fateful moment came when Shrek heard somebody knocking the door.  
Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the handle and opened it.  
"Oh Dave, what a displeasure to see you."

"What?"  
'Err ...is, ah! I mean... It's a figure of speech of us ogres! You know, we love pain... stench... gross things ... "  
"Um... perhaps you wasn't expecting for me."  
"Well... no, actually. Where's Donkey?  
"Well, he's ..."  
"Oh, I know. I know! I've been too harsh with him. Now he'll never get back to me... Here! With us, I mean."  
"Actually he's..."  
"Angry? That's what I thought! I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt him that way."  
"If you want to listen to..."  
"And I'm sorry for that incident with the swamp mud, Dave."  
"What?" Dave became pale. "You... you did that... Ahh, never mind! Do you really want to know where Donkey is? He's right here behind me!"

"SHREK!"  
Shrek didn't have time to say something that Donkey jumped on him. As Shrek fell on the ground Donkey started licking his face, with his huge disappointment.  
"At last he's not licking me any longer" said Dave.  
"I missed you so much!" said Donkey hopping out of his belly and trotting around.  
"I knew you'd have let me come back here, I knew it!"  
'Well, unfortunately I didn't. "Shrek got up and rolled his eyes.  
"Tired already?"  
"Who, me? No, no...Never felt better, "Shrek said grinding his teeth and sighing, "Oh, for the love of Pete!"

Dave decided it was time to let the family rejoin. The children came staggering toward them, and for the occasion they even moved their first steps.  
"If you knew how lucky you are Shrek," said Dave, closing the door and walking away.

Dave was going back home when he came across Tai Lung, who was running toward him.  
"Dave! I heard of the fire, are you okay?"  
"Why, do you see any flames on me, Lungo? All right, man, thanks."  
"I'm sorry, I was... well... talking to Zeng, but when I came it was too late ..."  
"Do not worry; it was right that Shrek had to come to the rescue, after all. And will you leave Zeng alone once for all?"  
"Not me, is that... ersatz duck that is so tasty... Ahem. So, were you able to get your point across Donkey in the end, like I told you to?"  
"Oh, yes! Even too much, maybe. But perhaps someone else I know should take some respect lessons. Look." Dave turned to Shrek's house "Three, two, one ..."

"DONKEY!" Shrek's voice echoed throughout the square.

"This time, you put him up" said Dave.

END OF THE EPISODE


End file.
